i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
