I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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