I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
