Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
