You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
