I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize