whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
