from now on my penis is your penis
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
