i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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