College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
