I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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