I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Randomize
