He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you inspire me to be a worse person
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
