Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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