is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
