it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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