were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
