Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
