It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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