I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
