I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
