wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
