just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
