It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
