Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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