If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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