I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
