She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
