I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
