After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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