is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
