And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize