The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
