Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
