Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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