Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
