Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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