she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
