someone get that fucking seahorse.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
