Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize