You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
