I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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