I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
