I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
