I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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