where does the pee come out of this thing
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
