i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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