can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
