community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
