May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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