; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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