I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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