i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
