He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
