did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
