I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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