I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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