it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
