Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
