I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
