I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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