Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
