I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
