As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
