Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
