I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drunk is not a location!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
