every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
