I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its not stalking. its research.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found puke in my bra..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
