I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
